So I've ransacked the Santaquin Library parenting section (all 10 books) the last couple of weeks, and it's been interesting reading. Here's what I've learned from 3 books:
Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child- I really liked this book, it got me thinking about how I speak to Katelyn. The last few months have been full of too much whining and too many tantrums, and I've been praying to find ways to help my beautiful little girl be happier.
Well, while reading this book I discovered that- surprise surprise- a big part of the problem is ME!!
Using the things I learned from this book and especially the things I've learned ABOUT MYSELF through the Spirit while reading this book, I am happy to say that in the last week Katelyn has only had ONE temper tantrum. One! We used to see 2 or 3 of these a day people! (like 5-15 minutes of out of control crying) There's still a lot more whining going on around here than I'd like to see, but we're working on it and I have seen improvement. It would take me way too long to explain everything about this answer to my prayers, but basically I was being way too emotional (not really yelling, but being angry or whining myself!) when disciplining Katelyn and I was giving her way too many chances in the name of "patience". I am being a lot more clear, firm, and respectful in my discipline and it has been wonderful.
The next book is The Discipline Book:How to have a better behaved child ages birth through ten--This one is based on the idea of attachment parenting, which I agree with in theory but not in practice. I don't plan on breastfeeding my children until age two and having them sleep with me until that time as well. But I do breastfeed on demand and hold Whitney pretty much all day long like they say to. :) And I like a lot of their practical advice for preventing discipline problems- it has reminded me of a lot of things I want to be doing anyway, such as spending time "connecting" with Katelyn each day. A lot of eye contact, hugs and kisses, play, and heaping on the praise for good things she does. These go a long way toward happiness and cooperation, for both of us! I'm only halfway through the book and I'm sure I will find other gems of knowledge along the way.
The third one is 101 Ideas on Teaching Your Children to Work. Kind of a weird book, not that well organized or written, but I have gotten some good ideas. Like I need to have a good attitude about the work I do every day to set a good example. And I should place a lot of value (=praise) on initiative, which Katelyn is acutally pretty good at. At least once a day she surprises me by seeing a need that Whitney has and filling it without being asked. So sweet. Also I need to make work fun. And my kids can build a lot of self esteem and spend some amazing quality time with me and Eric while working. So far Katelyn has set the table for dinner 5 nights in a row now, and she's convinced she's really good at it and that I really need her help to do it. Also she has dusted, helped me clean the bathroom (that one was actually really fun!) and helped do laundry. We're still working on cleaning her room or the toy room, but she loves all the other stuff.
Anyway I've been learning a lot and I'm really happy about it. I'm sure Katelyn will throw me off with some new crazy behavior soon, but right now I'm just enjoying the brief respite.
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i recently checked out (and then bought) a really good book called "raising your spirited child." it really was revolutionary to me. it not only helped me to realize so many things about my children, but also helped me to realize that i am slightly "spirited" myself, and that is partially why we get into so many battles of the will.
ReplyDeleteanyway, thats my 2 cents on parenting books i've read lately. i'll have to check out the ones you've listed here.
Cool post. I really enjoyed reading about your insights...you'll have to expound next time we chat!
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts, Rebecca. I need to work on some (or all) of these same things. Thanks for sharing! It's amazing to me how much harder motherhood is than I ever thought!
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely keep these in mind as Caleb gets older. I have a feeling he'll be a bit spirited himself.
ReplyDeleteI think I might have to go check out some of those books. I can use all the help I can get. I got some idea's from just the things you said in your post. I never thought about reading a book about parenting. I'm sure it would help.
ReplyDeleteI love the daddy daughter date. What a cute idea!